I graduated highschool in 2004.
Now...let me give you a little background information before I just jump into this. Previous to graduating, I had a big university picked out. It was about 3 hours away from home. I was ready and excited to start a new chapter in my life. I had all the details ready, even down to my room-mate for the freshman dorms.
Now..being a Pastor's daughter, I have always been a pretty big "Daddy's girl". So anything he said, I listened and obeyed. I remember the day my father sat me down like it was yesterday. Graduation was only a month away, and I was more than ready. I had no idea what was coming when my dad told me I needed to stay home. He literally begged me to stay in town and to attend a community college. He dangled a car in my face, money, and a place to stay. Out of fear (or just plain stupidity) I made the decision to stay home. I could not resist the tears streaming down his face. He needed me, and I thought that I needed him as well.
Shortly after, I went to a community college....err..uhm...ahem. Well, I guess you could say I "tried" a community college. I didnt make it too far into the school year before I realized " I have FREEDOM!!" Things got a little crazy after that. I started hanging out with the party goers and rarely went to class. I eventually dropped out, but not before receiving a few college credits.
After that, I went through a rebellious stage. I guess it was because I never did when I was in highschool. Anyway, I ended up going through several decent paying jobs. That brings us to where I am now. I am WAYpast the "party" stage...I have realized what is important in life, and I have a good sales job where I sit at a desk all day long.
The fact of the matter is, is that I hate my job. It is SO boring. I dont want to do this for the rest of my life. I keep thinking in the back of my head "I was meant for more than this, I am capable of so much more". I have had alot of thoughts in my head lately... like, "What do I need to do to love my life again?"
I have been thinking about quitting my job and going back to college to be a full time student. I want to be around kids, I want to be a teacher. I know I would be great at it, and I know that it would make me happy. I think that I could make a difference that way.... And for the first time in my life, I actually have the motivation to do so. I keep telling myself that I could get school loans out, get a part time job, and do the collge thing the "right" way.
But I am deathly afraid, so much so that I don't know what to do with myself. What if I can't make it, what if I can't do it? I don't know where to start, and I feel like I have no one to help me figure it out. I just want a change, I NEED a change.
I am scared but at the same time I feel like it would be the right thing to do. I feel like a million pounds have just been lifted off my shoulders when I begin to think about actually doing "something" with my life. I just dont know though... When is too late, too late?
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